you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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