worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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