I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
