I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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