Kiss
Puke
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am spending my child support on dildos
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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