making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
