I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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