i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
