the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
