toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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