Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm passing your future prison.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
