i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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