break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so let's talk penis.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
