she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
