The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
