Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
