yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
