i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
