Kiss
Puke
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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