My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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