Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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