How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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