We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
