Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
