Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
