I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize