She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
