I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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