she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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