I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
