you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
