My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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