Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
