a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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