I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
