Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
