I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
