Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
