there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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