I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
