Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
