I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
