I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
