I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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