I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
