TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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