If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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