We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My ass is underappreciated
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
