I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
