I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
