it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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