Are we in a gay sports bar?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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