His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Mom said you looked used
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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