and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
bring money and cleavage
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
