Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
